Things Naomi is not Allowed to do at Hogwarts
by Namacub95
Summary: I'm sick and bored out of my mind! This story has sort of been stewing away for a while now so enjoy!


**Things Naomi is not Allowed to do at Hogwarts**

_*sigh* I'm sick and bored stiff! I just hope you like this story and __**I'm NOT JK Rowling**__ and this list is based off the collection of avatars._

Naomi will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will she insist that their house colours indicate that they are 'covered in bees'

No matter how good an Australian accent she can do, Naomi will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

Growing hallucinogenic mushrooms is not 'an extra credit project for Herbology'

"I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Woods name." Is not a challenge

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

Naomi will not use Umbridge's quill to write 'I told you I was hardcore'

If a classmate falls asleep, Naomi will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

Starting a betting pool about the fate of this year's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept

Naomi will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak

Naomi will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast transcripts

Naomi will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

Naomi is not a sloth Animagus

Naomi is allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. Naomi is not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil or piranha

Naomi does not weigh the same as a duck

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

Naomi does not have a Dalek Patronus

Naomi will not lick Trevor

Naomi will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of 1 is

The Ravenclaws are not 'Mentals in training'

Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental

Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as 'Admiral Naismith'

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time

42 is not the answer to every question on the OWLs

It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously

Naomi is not allowed to Owl copies of Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters

Naomi will not ask Dumbledore to show her the pointy hat trick

Naomi will not take out life insurance on Harry Potter

Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp

Naomi will not draw and H on Percy Weasly's forehead

Naomi's name is not Captain Subtext

Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda

Naomi is not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor

It is generally accepted that Owls and Dragons cannot interbreed and Naomi should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be

Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled 'Firewhiskey'

First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker or drumming on desks, no matter how bored Naomi becomes

Naomi will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as 'cannon fodder'

Naomi will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class

First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow

Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with school uniform

Naomi will not use her school socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin house mascot

When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, Naomi will not lift her wand skyward and shout "There can only be ONE!"

Naomi should not refer to DADA professors as 'canaries in the coal mine'

Naomi will not say the phrase "Dude get a life" to Lord Voldemort

Naomi will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library

There is not now, nor has there ever been a fifth house at Hogwarts, Naomi and myself are not members of this house nor is Naomi it's founder

Naomi will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'

Albus Dumbledore's proper title is 'Headmaster' not 'My Liege'

Naomi will not tell Professor Trelawney that she prophesied her death

Naomi will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations

Calling Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists

If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which you should answer

Naomi is not allowed out of her dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here

Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying 'The library is closed for an indefinite time period' amusing in any sense

Naomi will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class

A time turner is not a flux capacitor, and Naomi should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars

Naomi is not allowed to use silencing charms on her Professors

Naomi will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour

If the thought of a spell makes Naomi giggle for longer than 15 seconds, Naomi is then to assume she is not allowed to do it

Naomi will not claim her X-Files tapes are 'Auror training videos'

Naomi is not a member of the Spanish Inquisition

Naomi is not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Lord Voldemort

Naomi will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens

Naomi will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts a History that explains about Bilbo Baggins

'OMGWTF' is not a spell

Naomi will not under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

Naomi is not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing

Naomi is not to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles respectively

Naomi will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing

Naomi will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive

Naomi will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him that they are real creatures

Naomi will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks

Naomi will not sing The Badger Song during a Hufflepuff v. Slytherin quidditch matches

Naomi will not tell first years to build a tree house in the Whomping Willow

Naomi will not douse Harry Potter's invisibility cloak in lemon juice and stand in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room while wearing it, to see if he will become visible

Naomi will not yell "Believe it...or not!"after any of Dumbledore's speeches

Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count as extra credit

Naomi's name is not 'Dark Lord Happy-Pants' and she should not sign papers as such

Naomi will never ask Harry Potter if his scar senses are tingling

Naomi will not call Professor McGonagall 'McGoogles'

Naomi will not make lightsaber sounds with her wand

Naomi will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween

Naomi will not wear a t-shirt saying 'Death Eater and proud of it'

Naomi is not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the American Revolution in the Charms' corridor

Naomi is not allowed to declare an official 'Hug a Slytherin Day'

Naomi is not Xena: Warrior Princess and shall not use war cries to signal her entrance to classrooms

It is not necessary to yell "BAMF!" every time Naomi apperates

Naomi will not steal Gryffindor's sword and patrol the corridors with it

Naomi is not allowed to hum her own spy music while walking in the corridors

Naomi is not allowed to paint the house elves blue

Naomi will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club

Naomi will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

Naomi will not start food fights in the Great Hall

"To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys." Is not an appropriate career choice

Naomi will not sing 'We're off to see the wizard' when sent to the headmaster's office

Naomi will not hold up her wand before casting a spell and yell "I have the power!"

Naomi is not the Queen of the Potato people and nor does she have a flying carpet

Getting everyone to do the Time Warp in the Great Hall will not earn you house points

When Naomi is caught in the Slytherin Common room by a prefect again she will not wave her hand in front of their face and say "These are not the droids you're looking for."

_Signed: Livvy Rue, Sarah Holmes, Cúshla Bellerose_

Livvy, Sarah and Cúshla read their list with a sense of pride and accomplishment when Zuzu, Naomi's owl flew into her dormitory with a note attached to her leg. Cúshla reached over and untied the note from Zuzu's leg it read:

_Hey Guys,_

_Please meet me at Sir Cadogan's portrait._

_Naomi =)_

Sarah picked up their list and stuffed it in her pocket while leaving the Library. A few minutes later they arrived at Sir Cadogan's portrait to find a huge crowd of students.

"Naomi?" she called over the crowd. Naomi popped her head out from behind a taller student with her signature mischievous grin.

"Guys you made it!"

"What's going on?" Livvy asked

"Only the greatest prank on Sir Cadogan in the history of Hogwarts!" she exclaimed happily and pulled her friends to the front of the crowd. Turning to the portrait she yelled

"Sir Cadogan!" Sir Cadogan looked at Naomi

"Ah fair maiden what a pleasure to see you."

Naomi grinned

"Did you know Sir Cadogan?" Naomi asked in a perfectly innocent voice "That anyone who says 'Ni' has challenged you?"

"Then let anyone brave enough to challenge the great Sir Cadogan say 'Ni'!" he said waving his sword around his head. Naomi grinned

"Ni!" she said

"You challenge me fair maid—"

"Ni!" said another student and soon enough all the students were yelling 'Ni'. Sir Cadogan was running around his portrait swinging his sword

"You villainous cowards! How dare you team up against me!" he yelled. Naomi was laughing hard and looked ready to fall over. Sarah pulled the list out of her pocket and with a look at Livvy and Cúshla made one last entry to the list

Naomi will not tell Sir Cadogan that anyone who says 'Ni' has challenged him and then have students yell "Ni" from various directions


End file.
